Wednesday, August 31, 2011

"Come On, Dad, We're Just Trying to Hang Out"

On that very day Abraham took his son, Ishmael, and every male in his household, including those born there and those he had bought. Then he circumcised them, cutting off their foreskins, just as God had told him. (Genesis 17:23)

Hey guys,

I’m writing this just to say that I’m really sorry about what happened at the sleepover last Saturday. It was just terrible timing, and I swear my dad is usually pretty cool. I'm not sure what got into him. He usually uses that little knife just to slice vegetables to put in this really killer pasta salad. I know I said we'd play some card games and eat snacks, but sometimes things don’t go as planned and, hey, what can you do? It was just as traumatizing for me as it was for you when my father burst into the basement with his scalpel and started chanting, "Time to peel some ding-dongs." Hopefully one day we will come to laugh about the sadistic look on my dad's face when he told us he was not playing a prank. So we’re all a little lighter in the loins, but at least it looks pretty sleek, right? My girlfriend, Rebecca, told me it looks less like a serpent now, which it pretty cool.

I would like to invite you all over next Friday to atone for the horrors we endured. There will be truth-or-dare, a basket of tomatoes, and on the off-chance my dad decides to stomp on our balls or something, I will ask that you wear a protective cup.

-Ishmael

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