Monday, May 16, 2011

"The Conversation That Led to Jigsaw Murdering Another Nine People"

-Mr. Kramer, I see that you have rented several abandoned warehouses from us before.
-You guys are the best.
-And our records show that in most of those rentals you imprisoned seemingly innocent people in horrific traps where they were forced to inflict horrendous physical pain on themselves or face death.
-Possibly once or twice.
-Looks here like you’ve done that every time.
-That was just a phase I was in. The warehouse I would like to rent today is for storing my baseball cards.
-This warehouse is half a mile long.
-I have a lot of cards. Many complete Topps sets.
-Six months ago you said your rental was to house your collection of vintage motorcycles, yet at the end of your lease we found only a dozen mangled corpses.
-That was all a misunderstanding. I assure you, this one is for my baseball cards and other sports memorabilia.
-So no murders this time?
-Probably not.
-Okay, then. You’ve got yourself a warehouse! Would you like to purchase the insurance plan to cover your back in case someone dies while browsing through your cards?
-I guess so.

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