Monday, April 18, 2011

"Movie Scenes the Asshole Who Complains About Movies Being Unrealistic Wants to See"

EXT. DOWNTOWN INTERSECTION

Bullets are flying as the YAKUZA shoot at DON and WENDY while they crouch behind an overturned police cruiser.

DON: Cover me. I can make it across to the bank, pick off their snipers, and save Carol.
WENDY: But they’ve got us surrounded, Don! You’re a madman!
DON: A madman who cares.

DON leaps over the police cruiser and is shot in the head.

Credits roll.


INT. HIGH-TECH COMPUTER LAB

SERGEANT MCDONELL stands over BORIS, typing rapidly as code scrolls over six computer monitors.

MCDONELL: Faster, son! If we don’t crack the Soviets’ defenses, they’ll nuke the entire god-damned world!
BORIS: Let me just…Okay…there. I’ve got the base of this program written, but it’s going to be about another five hours of coding, then the program will take a few days to work because these machines are a little out of date.
MCDONELL: But the Commies will crack into our system within the hour! Is there any way you can do it faster? Some way? There’s got to be a way!
BORIS: There really isn’t. We started way too late.
MCDONELL: So the Commies will set off the nuke? They'll kill us all?
BORIS: It looks that way. I wish you had given me a heads up on this project earlier.

Credits roll.


INT. HOUSE – NIGHT

LUCY reads a magazine on the couch. She hears a NOISE.

LUCY: Hello? Is someone there?

LUCY finds a note on the coffee table that says, “You are not alone.” LUCY exits through the side door, walks to the neighbor’s house, calls the police on her cell phone, and watches DETECTIVE SHERMAN arrest LUKE.

Credits roll.

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