Thursday, April 21, 2011

"I Don't Know How This Happened"

There were two weeks left in the semester and Professor Belton decided we should have a party and suggested we sign up to bring different foods and drinks. He went down the rows one by one and it started out simple; Erin said she’d bring in cookies and Paul said he’d bring soda. Then Kaitlin called bringing in fruit and Sarah said she’d bring juice. Mark took crackers and Steven took cheeses. There were still fourteen of us left who hadn’t called anything and things got weird as the number of available snack foods dwindled. Carl would bring candy and Amy would bring cupcakes and Tom would bring cups. Derek called napkins and Shannon was put on the spot and the only thing she could think of was a loaf of rye bread. Then Rick said he’d bring in steak gristle and Doug said he’d bring ants. Brady said he’d bring shoelaces and Susan, clearly panicked, blurted out that she’d bring in a couple of dead birds. There were still five of us left, and we could not for the lives of us come up with any edible items, but Professor Belton just kept going down the rows not giving anyone a moment to think. “Khaki pants,” said Bill, “with pleats.” Ashley said she’d bring a sack of sawdust because her dad worked at Home Depot. Kayla said “Tires,” and quickly added, “as long as no one’s allergic to rubber,” and then Brian called doorknobs. Belton pointed at me finally, and as a bead of sweat fell off my nose I blurted out the first thing that came to my mind, “The moon.” I realize now that telling you this story has used up nearly my entire oxygen tank, and it appears that I will die out here in space, having failed to lasso the moon and bring it to class as a snack. I will spend my final moments staring at the marble that is Earth, hoping the party goes well and that someone remembers to bring forks.

No comments: