Saturday, April 2, 2011

"Dippin' Dots"

(A secret bunker under the White House)
-Welcome back, Mr. Jones. This meeting will surely be the pinnacle of my administration, and the products of it will change our entire existence. I hope the time travel mission went well.
-It went very well, Mr. President. I visited the year 2268, a borderless world in which war exists only in history books.
-Outstanding. Surely your discoveries will revolutionize the world. I hope you acquired as much intelligence as possible, as we will not have enough astatine necessary for another mission for at least one hundred years. Please show me the miracles you have brought home.
-Are you ready for this?
-Please. We are on the brink of a new age.
-Brace yourself, because this will blow you mind. (Opening briefcase) I have with me… the ice cream of the future! Check it out! They eat it in little dots. Pretty sweet, huh? Pretty sweet? Comes in fun flavors like Java Delight.
-That is amusing, sure. But please, show me the medical and technological advancements.
-The medicines, the cancer cures, the space travel information.
-Are those things not in our future?
-No, they are. It’s just, um, I thought you guys would be happy with the ice cream, so I didn’t exactly bring anything else. I mean come on, it’s awesome. Tiny little ice cream dots. You can buy it in a pouch.
-You have no information about curing disease? You only have ice cream dots? You have disappointed an entire world.
-Hey, it’s no worse than Crick’s mission to the past when he only brought back tiny plastic baseball helmets.
-That was as waste as well, as those things are useless except for holding something like a handful of nickels or maybe a tiny amount of ice cream. But you—
-Wait! If we combine our findings, we will revolutionize the world! We will serve tiny ice cream dots to children at baseball parks in tiny plastic helmets.
-Why didn’t I see it before? It’s a miracle! All hail Curt Jones and his ice cream of the future! I appoint you my new Vice President.
-Of course not. You’re fired. You’re an embarrassment. Take your dots and get out of here. Actually, leave me a pouch of Tropical Tie Dye.

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