Monday, March 28, 2011

"Warnings"

Harmful if inhaled. Causes moderate eye irritation. Do not inhale dust, vapor, or spray mist. Avoid contact with eyes. Do not swallow. Also, do not wear boxer shorts covered with the phrase “Runs on Natural Gas” to bed if you have any hope of your wife removing them. Do not at any point, even in jest, refer to your semen as “the cottage cheese” if you have any hope of your wife ever interacting with it again. Do not assume your wife will consider it endearing or cute to show her your testicle poking through your zipper during the divorce proceedings. It will not win her back. Do not insert into your wife’s sister. That one applies to both you and the drain cleaner.

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