Wednesday, March 30, 2011

"Senses"

An Excerpt from the Diary of Mitch Magenta, the Man Who Lost His Senses of Sight, Smell, Taste, Touch, and Hearing in an Accident, Causing a Superhuman Heightening of His Sense of Entitlement

March 30, 2011
Am I responsible for doing a handstand on my motorcycle and driving it straight into a brick wall at 120mph in a failed attempt to earn a sponsorship from Amp Energy Drink? Yes. Was I imagining hot babes on my arms and an endless river of the neon green juice when my spinal cord snapped like a twig, reducing my body to a living casket for my soul? Sure. But does that mean I do not deserve the common decency of a name-brand mattress and a badass hospital gown with some flames on it? Absolutely not. I’m suffering here. A legend like me needs memory foam, a flaming wolf skull on my chest, and I obviously should get a few cases of Amp for my effort.

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