Tuesday, February 8, 2011

“Justin Bieber Does Not Regret Missing Out on Normal 21st-Century Childhood”

In an interview today, 16 year-old singing sensation Justin Bieber expressed absolutely no regrets of missing out on a normal childhood. Bieber, who was signed to Island Records at age 13, said, “I’ve seen what most kids my age are up to. And to be honest, I’d rather spend my nights playing to sold out arenas than waiting for my parents to go to sleep so I can look at porn on the family computer.” Bieber seems perfectly content with his busy schedule of live shows, interviews, and recording, which he says he greatly prefers to the alternative of “posting hate-filled comments on YouTube videos, installing IP scrambler software so I can safely BitTorrent the entire Hawthorne Heights catalog, trying to find a girl who is interested in something beyond Apple products, and convincing my mom to let me use her credit card on eBay so I can buy bootleg anime DVDs.” When asked if he ever thinks about what his life would be like had he not been discovered, Usher picked him up in a helicopter and they flew towards Cancun.

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