Thursday, September 16, 2010

"Career Advice"

If you are looking to start a career in the busy world of advertising, the key thing to do is to brand yourself. It’s the only surefire way to get an employer to remember you out of the crowd of applicants. You need to summarize yourself and your point of view in one sentence, like how “Just Do It” is synonymous with Nike.
To give a first-hand example, I brand myself as “The Candidate with the Fattest Dick.” It’s a surefire way to get people to know who I am. There are plenty of people who pride themselves on their long dicks, but I emphasize a personal strength of mine and use it as my brand. By highlighting the fatness, not the length, of my penis, I am also demonstrating the advertising technique of turning a negative into a positive. Did you know that NyQuil was designed as an anytime cold remedy, and the fact that it made users drowsy was considered a negative side-effect? Re-branding as a night-time cold medicine did wonders.
I was born with a finite amount of dick skin, and not much of it. But the fleshy meat that fills the skin kept growing and growing. It’s as if you had a small sock and pumped it full of raw beef, then kept pumping more and more meat into there. That’s pretty much what my gear situation is. My penis is so thick it is nearly round, and bright pink. It always looks as though it is out of breath.
Some may see this as a negative, but by highlighting it, I challenge the perception that length is the only factor necessary in a quality dick.
By turning my negative into a positive and by branding myself, I am a top prospect for a number of jobs. I always print my resumes out on top of photographs of my dick, so employers will remember me.

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