Wednesday, January 13, 2010

"Science"

“Hey Don!”
“What?”
“What are you doing up there, man?”
“I’m gonna jump.”
“All the way down here?”
“Yeah.”
“You’ll die.”
“That’s the point.”
“Well, uh, don’t do it!”
“You can’t stop me now! This is it. No more miserable life.”
“Come on, man. Get down.”
“I’ll jump in ten seconds!”
“Wait!”
“Ten. Nine. Eight.”
“Hang on, Don! This is actually great.”
“What?”
“This is perfect. Just hang tight for a second, then you can jump or whatever.”
“What are you talking about?”
“I’m in the middle of my physics homework and you are totally acting out one of the problems. You can help me figure it out.”
“But I want to die!”
“Just let me calculate your potential energy first, then you can kill yourself.”
“Potential energy? What does potential energy have to do with my suicide?”
“Because you’re so high up there you have a lot of potential energy, like your body’s going to have a lot of energy when it slams into the ground. I just need to know your mass. What’s your mass, Don?”
“Jesus. I weigh one fifty.”
“Okay. And how many floors up are you?”
“Eleven.”
“Okay! Thanks, Don.”
“That’s it?”
“Yeah, that’s all the data I need. I can write out this example now. See you later, Don. Good luck with the jump.”
“Wait. Helping you with that problem made me feel good.”
“Oh yeah? Maybe you shouldn’t kill yourself.”
“I think that’s a good idea. Thanks.”

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