Wednesday, November 26, 2008

"The New Big Thing"

“Hey, I think that’s him over there.”

“What, that guy? That can’t be him.”

“Look, come on. Hey, are you—“

“Yeah, yeah. I am. Keep quiet, okay? You trying to get us arrested?”

“Oh, no, my bad. I’m new at this whole thing, I just—“

“What do you want?”

“Oh, yeah, right, right. I just want a little weed.”

“Weed?”

“Yeah. Do you have any?”

“Oh, I got some weed. I got a lot of it.”

“Okay, cool. I’ll take some weed. And do you have any, uh…”

“Any what?”

“Do you have any ecstasy?”

“Yeah, yeah. I got some ecstasy. But that stuff’s no good, man. It’s no good.”

“No good?”

“Trust me.”

“Should I get something else?”

“Yeah yeah yeah. Come here man, real close. Is anybody watching?”

“Um…No, no one’s around.”

“Okay, good. Get your friend over here.”

“Hey, Rick. Get over here.”

“Okay, boys. I’m about to show you guys something crazy. It’s insane this stuff, completely off the hook. The hottest new thing on the scene. Everyone’s dying to get some. Are you ready for it?”

“Yeah.”

“Bam! Check em out they’re called strawberries.”

“What?”

“Strawberries. Look at these sweet things. Red as roses and juicier than Biggie. These things, man, these things will blow your mind.”

“You’re talking about strawberries?”

“Have you heard of em? They’re South American. Imports. Pure stuff here. Twelve bucks a pound.”

“Twelve bucks? Strawberries aren’t even illegal. I can get them at the grocery store.”

“Say what? These babies are top of the line, man. Primo stuff. Look, and I’m only doing this cause I like the looks of you two, ten bucks a pound.”

“Ten bucks? They’re like three dollars a pound at the store.”

“What kind of insane discounts are you getting at the store, man? Trust me, this is a steal. These berries, man. Mmm mm.”

“Are they really that good?”

“Try one.”

“Oh man, these are really good. Alright I’ll buy a pound. I’ll take the weed, too-“

“Stop it right there. Lieutenant James Thompson, Hamilton County Police Department. You two are under arrest for the attempted purchase of strawberries.”

“What?”

“Save if for the judge, dirtbags.”

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