Sunday, August 10, 2008

"Why Mel Doesn't Work at the Tattoo Shop Anymore"

“Hey there.”

“Oh, hey. What brings you back to the shop?”

“I’m sorry to say it, but I want a refund for this tattoo you gave me.”

“What? Why? It’s a great piece.”

“I know. I really do enjoy it. It’s just that the response to it hasn’t exactly been what I had expected.”

“Really? What happened?”

“It just seems the people in this town aren’t as open to art as I thought. People just can’t appreciate a good old-fashioned tattoo of a buffalo’s scrotum across a man’s face anymore.”

“That’s strange. The tattoo is so perfect. When you close your eyes it looks like your face is the buffalo scrotum.”

“Thank you. That’s what I was going for. But people just seem to stare or scoff disapprovingly. Even at work they don’t approve. I thought I worked in a fairly liberal school district, but apparently the superintendent considers it in poor taste for a third grade teacher to have an animal’s scrotum on his face.”

“I’m so sorry about that. We just emptied out the registers to cover rent so we can’t give you a refund. Would you want us to turn it into something else?”

“I suppose that could work. How about something nice? Something everyone could enjoy?”

“Sure. We could stick to the animal theme. What about a cute puppy?”

“Maybe. I was thinking more like an image of a grizzly bear.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

“Could the grizzly bear be assassinating Abraham Lincoln?”

“In a tattoo on your face?”

“Yeah.”

“Honestly I do not think that is a good idea. In fact, I really don’t think you should have gotten that tattoo in the first place. You are aware of what a buffalo’s scrotum is, right?”

“Your employee Mel told me it was an international symbol of friendship.”

“That is not true.”

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