Tuesday, August 5, 2008

"A Blind Romance"

“I love you, Brenda,” said Tom.

“I love you too.”

“I think we should take our relationship to the next level.”

“Oh, absolutely!”

Tom unzipped his pants and tripped several times trying to get them off.

“It’s okay, baby,” he said. “I’ll be alright.”

“Come here, Tom,” said Brenda. She reached for him and knocked over a lamp.

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll find it later. Now where’s that pretty face of yours?” Tom swatted the air four times before finding it. “Ah, there it is.”

“Wait,” said Brenda. “We should turn on some music.”

“Of course, of course.” Tom stood up and walked into a wall. He spun around, fumbled with the stereo until it turned on, and fell through his glass coffee table on the way back to the couch.

“I’m fine, Brenda. Let’s get back to it.”

Brenda’s arm shot upwards and knocked down a picture frame. “Was that a picture frame?”

“I think so.”

“What is it a picture of?”

“I have no idea.”

For a few moments neither of them broke anything. They were really into it. Brenda reached for Tom. She was surprised with what she found.

“You never told me you have five penises,” she said.

“Those are my fingers, Brenda,” said Tom.

They got back into it. Tom thought Brenda was the girl for him; that they would be together forever. But then he felt her back.

“What is that, Brenda? What is that I feel?”

“What? There’s nothing on my back.”

“Brenda. I can feel your Braille tattoo. I felt those dots and they say Brenda Loves Mark. As in my best friend Mark?”

“Stop, Tom. It’s not like that.”

“Brenda, I can not believe this. You need to tell me straight. Have you been seeing Mark?”

“Not exactly.”


They got back into it.

When they were done Tom looked to where he thought Brenda was and said, “Brenda, I think it’s time. You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever heard and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?”

“Of course.”

Fifteen minutes later they finally got the ring on.

Their wedding was held that June and when the decorator found out whom his clients were he didn’t bother showing up. No one noticed his absence.

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