Monday, July 21, 2008

Gas prices are through the roof. Food prices are so high I had to feed my youngest daughter birdseed last week. At this rate we’ll all be dead in a month. So come on down to my warehouse and buy an Apple Dip-Dappler. What is an Apple Dip-Dappler? I have no idea. It’s probably got an apple in there somewhere. But I do know I’ve got a warehouse full of them and I need to buy a new pair of shoes for my dog. I promise satisfaction is guaranteed but I do not promise anything regarding the quality of the product. My uncle Vincenzo dropped them off last week and told me to get rid of them, so that’s what I’m doing! Six for a dollar or one for six dollars! I’m no math man but that doesn’t mean I can’t sell you Apple Dip-Dapplers! And if you’re not in the mood for those, buy one of my Dolphin Roni-Tonis! What are those? Who knows? I checked the crate and there’s no dolphins in there. A lot of wires and a timer that’s counting down. Get these quick! Get them today! Get them before they blow, because I’m pretty sure my uncle Vincenzo is trying to kill me! I shouldn’t have told the whole family he wipes standing up.

1 comment:

rue said...

Genius. Makes someone who's just spent two hours failing to convince a customer at Publix that we can't be responsible for not carrying obscure foreign brands of cat claw whitener because we're not a fucking pet store infinitesimally happier.