Sunday, June 22, 2008

What a predicament. This is unbelievable, I mean, this is like something that happens on TV. I’m engaged to marry two different women at the same time and now I have to choose between them. First I proposed to Courtney Rondell, a bank manager whom I have been dating for two years. Then the next day I forgot about that engagement and proposed to Tiffany Rogers, a garbage woman whom I met for the first time that morning. I don’t know what to do. Courtney is fantastic and we get along so well, but Tiffany really knows a lot about garbage, which could come in handy. I mean, on the Con side Courtney’s list is pretty empty. She can be too chatty at times, but I can get over that. On the other hand, Tiffany’s Con list is rather large. She smells terrible, has barely a sixth grade education, and says her favorite food is baking soda. But she does have unlimited access to those tags to put on extra trash cans. So with her I’d be able to throw away as much stuff as I wanted. With Courtney I would have to pay for each additional can, which would add up. Of course, that expense would be offset by the money Tiffany spends on badger-cooking equipment and baking soda. This is the most difficult decision I’ve ever had to make. The sides are so even in my mind. I’ll have to toss a coin. Heads is Courtney, tails is Tiffany. There’s the flip, and it’s heads! That settles it; I’ll marry Courtney. As for our garbage, I don’t know. Hopefully I’ll run into Tiffany again, or she’ll run into me again, like she did that morning with her truck which messed up my head so badly I proposed to her because she said she’d only take me to the hospital if I did. But, man, is she a tempting broad.

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