Friday, June 20, 2008

Today features a momentary break from the ongoing story. This is a series of newspaper pieces that I thought were very odd.

Corrections and Clarifications

June 15, 2008

In our article “Diabetes doesn’t have to halt your life” on Tuesday we reported that antifreeze, specifically the Zerex brand, is a good beverage for diabetic children to drink after playing sports. This is untrue. In fact, studies have shown that antifreeze may be detrimental to a human body. The article meant to suggest water, milk, and lead-based paint. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Corrections and Clarifications

June 16, 2008

Our recent “Corrections and Clarifications” section suggested lead-based paint as a healthy beverage for diabetic children. This is likely untrue. We would like to apologize to the Malabo family. Billy is in a better place.

Corrections and Clarifications

June 18, 2008

In a recent “Corrections and Clarifications” piece we reported that Billy Malabo died as a result of consuming lead-based paint after reading our recommendation. We are glad to correct that he did not die as a result of our error. He died when a dragon bit his head off.

Corrections and Clarifications

June 19, 2008

We recently reported that Billy Malabo died when a dragon bit his head off. This is untrue. Dragons do not exist. It was a very childish scenario to propose. He did die because we suggested that he drink lead-based paint and responded to his email asking for recommended brands and flavors. We would like to clarify that, yes, this newspaper is in fact going out of business after facing numerous lawsuits due to our unorthodox beverage suggestions. We are sorry for wasting your time and would like to question why anyone gave us jobs in the first place. We are incredibly unprofessional. Most days we just sit around drinking lead-based paint.

1 comment:

rue said...

this one's a winner.