Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Here's a high school newspaper article.

Just Because They’re Goths Doesn’t Mean You Have to Spit on Them

By Michael P. Bock

Hello, kind readers. Time for another exciting journey into the lives of the members of one of the cliques at our very own Roosevelt High School! In this issue I’ll give you a peek at one of the shadiest groups lining our halls, the Goths!

I first met up with junior Phillip Rosenthal on a Tuesday afternoon at his house. He showed me around his room, which included all sorts of disturbing imagery. Then we had some Bagel Bites. His favorite kind is pepperoni.

We then met with some of his friends and talked about what it’s like to be a Goth. “I like expressing my true inner self,” said sophomore Steve Jameson after drinking some blood. “I don’t care what the world thinks,” said Josephine Taylor, a senior who works at the local Applebee’s and says her favorite after-school activities are exercising, reading, and casting spells.

After listening to some horrifying music they pulled out some razorblades, which was lucky for me because I had some of those hairs around my nipples I needed to clean up. I quickly snatched a blade and thanked the group for their acceptance and hospitality. Then they told me that they often hurt themselves in order to see if they can feel. Interesting, I thought. So to test it we went to the interstate and I jumped in front of a bus.

“Ouch!” I called from under the rear axle. “Your method works! I sure can feel! I can especially feel my protruding tibia bone touching my neck!”

That was my experience investigating the Goths. My opinion of them is, Hey, at least they like Bagel Bites. Stay tuned for next issue, when I dive head-first into the swim team! Also, be aware that the aforementioned pun shows exactly why I have no friends. Now you know, mom!

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