Sunday, June 29, 2008

“Are you proud of what you did?”

“I am, sir.”

“Do you think it shines a positive light on this mission? On this organization? On this country?”

“I am unsure, sir. But I do take credit for what I did.”

“And you thought it was humorous?”

“I did, sir. Hilarious, in fact.”

“Are you aware of the danger you put upon not only yourself but the entire crew?”

“I am, sir. I understood the risks and believed my action was worth taking that risk.”

“I have the record here of what you did. Let me read it to you and tell me if any of it is untrue.”

“Yes, sir.”

“You, Tommy Trombone, were aboard the Apollo 11 mission with Commander Neil Armstrong, Command Module Pilot Michael Collins, and Lunar Module Pilot Edwin “Buzz” Aldrin, Jr.”

“Correct, sir.”

“You set foot on the moon immediately after Commander Neil Armstrong.”

“Correct, sir.”

“You then said, ‘Hey, is there something on my back?’, turned around, unzipped the rear hatch of your space suit, positioned yourself in front of Commander Neil Armstrong, bent over, and flatulated.”

“Correct, sir. I farted right into Neil Armstrong’s face.”

“Commander Armstrong reports that you then said, ‘Smell that, Armstrong! Who is the Commander now?’”

“No, sir, that is not correct. I said, ‘Smell that, Armstrong. I am the greatest in the Universe!’ Then I pulled off Neil’s helmet and made him smell it.”

“And you thought that was humorous?”

“It was perhaps the most I have ever laughed. I look forward to going down in the history books as having the first fart on the moon.”

“You are aware that removing Commander Armstrong’s helmet could have resulted in his immediate death.”

“Sir, I fully believe the greatest threat facing Neil was the stench of my fart.”

“You are an embarrassment. I regret ever speaking to you. I promise that your name will never be mentioned in the same sentence as NASA or the Apollo 11 mission. No one will know of Tommy Trombone. No one will ever hear of your fart.”

“I’m surprised no one on earth heard it. They say sound doesn't travel in space, but man, that thing was loud. It sounded like a freight ship honked its horn. I seriously think you should rename the organization GASA.”

“I hope to never see you again.”

Tommy Trombone was escorted outside by NASA security and smothered with an official NASA sweatshirt.

That is who no one has heard of Tommy Trombone, the fourth member of the Apollo 11 space crew and the first man to flatulate on the moon.

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